The director of the funeral home called today and said Avery's urn was ready and that he would be honored to drop it by our house on his way home! It's much prettier than we thought it would be! Now we have some of Avery's earthly body with us :)
I also got her Social Security Card in the mail today. I received our new insurance cards with Avery's name on them last week too. Both were heart breaking events but little memento's we can keep. I need to start a scrapbook. However, I am not good with that kinda artsy stuff.
We finally got around to hanging some of Avery's framed pictures today. I am hosting a 31 party tomorrow (the consultant is donating her commission to the March for Babies!) and we thought it would be a good idea to get them up and show our beautiful baby off! I have been a busy bee today, cleaning for the party, getting some goodies ready, grocery shopping, taking our niece Bre to pitching practice, and then working on Avery's page for her daddy's scrapbook. He's at basic training right now, and left a 2 weeks before Avery's birth. So her mom thought it would be a good idea to include a few pages of her. It was fun and an honor to do!
The past few days have been okay emotionally. However I did have a mini breakdown today. I needed to take some stuff up to Avery's room. I always dread the walk up the stairs and find myself asking God for strength with each step. Her crib gets me every time. I always end up just staring at it, thinking about how she should be napping there. Usually within seconds I end up wilted over her crib sobbing, touching her bedding ever so softly, and saying her name over and over. I see our glider and imagine rocking her in it. If she would not have had that fatal skeletal dysplasia I could have her in my arms. My heart aches for her in a way I can't explain. Others I've talked to who have lost a child say it does ease with time. I don't know how. This pain is so alive in me, I don't think it will ever fade. And I don't know if I want it to. I feel that if the pain isn't the same then maybe I'm starting to forget her. I'm already starting to forget small things about the three days she was here and if you know me well, you know that isn't like me. Even under these circumstances, it's not like me to forget anything, even down to the smallest thread of detail. I'm starting to mix up the nurses who took care of me on specific days and the NICU nurses who took care of Avery. I know that the memory problems are a part of the grieving stage I am in, I just hope they come back to me.
Those were the most precious three days God has even given me and I don't eer want to forget a single moment of those days.
Becky and Eric, Our hearts go out to you and your loss of Baby Avery. After just experiencing what you've gone through 10 days ago, we only hope to have the strength like yours. We are SO happy that Baby Avery is home with you now. We are anxiously awaiting the same phone call to bring home our Baby Leah! Keeping you in our prayers:)
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