and life goes on

I returned to work this week. I worked half a day Wednesday, worked up to a 6 hour day Thursday, and then did a full 8.5 hours yesterday. I never thought I would get caught up but I actually did and go a huge head start on a few things. I actually enjoyed being back at work. It's nice to have a routine back. I haven't had to do any patient care yet which is a good thing. I staff half a day Wednesday.....I haven't even tried on my scrubs to see if they fit yet! I guess I should do that soon in case I need to purchase a new set to get me through until I can get back into my regular ones :) I am soo anxious about taking care of a pregnant lady. I miss my belly. I miss Avery being there, all safe, and sound. On Thursday when I went to run errands at the hospital I was sooo scared of seeing someone who didn't know about Avery's passing. I kept my head down and prayed no one would notice me. And it worked! The places I needed to go were places where everyone knew about her. I was very emotional that day and was afraid of what would come out of my mouth or if I would cry on someone. Most of the time I don't mind people asking how she is......because I get to say, "She is doing well actually, she's in heaven." That doesn't always come out though.....some times it's, "uh...er....she passed...." or "um, well, she didn't survive." It's like Forrest Gump's box of chocolate bit....you never know what you are gonna get. Eric picked me up from work yesterday and I get in the car and notice he's quiet (which if you know my husband is not like him at all) then I realize what song is playing.....Cinderella. I grab his hand and kiss it. We quietly cried together, missing those moments we looked forward to experiencing with Avery. Then Glorious Day came on. I smiled the biggest smile (the one where my eyes disappear :)) and laughed. God and Avery were reminding us to not dwell or be sad.....that one Glorious Day He will return and take us Home! We will see her again, we will hold her again, we will kiss our sweet baby girl again....one glorious day! The days get harder but each day that comes and goes is just one more day that brings us closer to meeting Jesus! Speaking of that Glorious Day.....Last night we had a ginormous storm system come though. Lots of lightning and thunder. It was a little after 2am when I heard the loudest and longest roar of thunder I have ever heard, the house shook it was soo loud. I honestly thought the Lord was coming. I shook Eric awake and told him I thought the Lord was coming and he said, "how awesome would that be". We laid there in silence for a few minutes then I asked Eric if he was asking God to forgive him of his sins and he said yes, I replied...."Well, good, I am too, and I want you to go with me."