Random thoughts.

This one is going to be for me. I need to write (type) some things down so when my memory slips I will have a way to recall how I was feeling during this time or what was going on.

We are working on our landscaping at the house....it's about time, lol! We will have been here three summers this summer! I have asked my father-in-law to help me start a flower bed in memory of Avery. We have the perfect spot for one and have talked about doing it for years but haven't done it. It's in front of our dining room window, it's not level so we will have to build it up but I think it's the perfect spot for it! I want to fill it up with beautiful purple flowers!

The land between ours and my brother-in-laws slopes along the drive way and I want to plant the flowers that look like they creep along everything! I don't know what they are called but most of them are purple and pink :) I think it's cool how we liked the color purple for Avery and it's a Royal color. Many people in heaven have sashes the color of purple (I know this from the book Heaven is for Real). The little boy that's story is told in that book mentioned the purple sashes :)

Speaking of that book, it gave me great peace of Avery's appearance in Heaven. I know she has wings, wears a robe of white, and could be any age when we get there. I hope she's around 3, has long dark brown hair, and her daddy's attitude :) How I can't wait to see her again. Just typing this makes me weep, my arms get numb, and I feel that ache in my heart. Sometimes the weeping is of anticipation and others it's of sorrow. I know I shouldn't want her here on this earth but I want her soo badly! I always worried about her being picked on when she arrived as a "small person", I knew she would get picked on regardless but I worried that it would be more than usual. But I don't have to worry about that! There is no such thing in Heaven :)

I've been back at work for 2 weeks now and getting caught up and back in the swing of things. I still wish I could not have returned but people there depend on me and life goes on. I know I have said "life goes on" alot but I have to tell myself that over and over. I have to remind myself that Avery can see me and I know she doesn't want to see me waste my life. I want her to be proud of me! I want her to grab her angel friends and say, "look! there's MY mommy, she's a great nurse!"

I had never thought of going into ministry or thought that's what God wanted me to do until after Avery's life came and went. As many people that she brought together in prayer and changed lives by word of mouth about her I could only imagine how many people could be brought to Christ if we went around the country telling people her story, about our faith of a complete healing of her body, and NOT being defeated when we didn't get the miracle we prayed for. God performed many miracles through her! I am sooo thankful that our parents raised us in the church and instilled God's word in our hearts.

I am sooooo glad one of those miracles was to bring ET and I closer together. At the time we were going through a very rough patch and God knew we needed her to bring us back to where we needed to be in our marriage. He knew we needed to hear not good news about our baby girl to draw us closer to Him. Avery's conception was done with purpose. We prayed Psalm 139 over her nightly. He wove her together in the dark of my womb. He knew we needed her. He knew the world needed her. There are no mistakes when babies are conceived. Each one is a gift from God. We might not understand the circumstances or why their lives may end before birth or shortly after, but they had a purpose and their purpose was full filled.

Wow, I got a bit preachy there!